Things You'll Never Hear Transformers Say
by eeyop1428
Summary: Just as the title says. What foolhardy, shocking, funny lines do the Transformers never say on air? Or ever, in fact? Look here and see! Rated T for some Cybertronian profanity/innuendo. Sparklings are warned.
1. Soundwave

Author's Notes: Hello, everyone, this is just something random I've come up with. A bit like '101 Ways To Know You're Addicted To Transformers' but instead of just one whole list there'll be separate lists for each character, though I won't be including every one of them - mainly the ones I prefer and know enough about in personality. So each chapter is on one character.  
As I get biased about who I like and don't like (of fictional characters!) I was finding it annoying to choose who to start on and who should be the next to start on, and so on, because I want to be fair and mix them up. But I'm never happy with doing it manually so I've called upon the help of the dice roll. It's unbiased, it's random, and it saves the trouble of deciding for myself in a second. Therefore, the order of characters is solely down to whatever number comes up that I've assigned them. Simple.  
There'll be mainly G1 characters and a few 1986 TF movie characters. Hopefully that will be enough to amuse you :).

Enough space-filling from me; read on! And enjoy n.n.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Transformers animated series/show, they belong to toy manufacturer Takara and American company Hasbro. This fanfiction is merely for the sole purpose of entertainment and not for selling/profiting purposes.

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**Things You'll Never Hear Transformers Say**

**Soundwave**

1) You suck, Megatron: I should be leader.

2) Yo, whazzzaaaap!

3) 'I'll Always Love You' is the most beautiful song ever written.

4) Blaster is the best micro-cassette player in the whole universe – I am not worthy.

5) I play the bongos when I'm happy.

6) We should all listen to Starscream.

7) It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! – Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

8) Bite my shiny metal aft.

9) The penguins are stealing my sanity.

10) Cassetticons: Eject. Operation: Tidy my room.

11) Nickelback: Superior. The Fratellas: Slagging inferior.

12) Megatron, I disagree with your plan: It's suicide.

13) Let's see what everyone's thinking today...

14) I am silent but deadly. Almost like a fart.

15) I'm so boooooriiiing! – My voice is so boooorrriiiinnnnng!

16) What the frag is a C.D.?

17) My internal chronometer says it's time to par-tay!

18) I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuurts.

19) There are three things I love about myself. One: I play funky music that compensates for the lack of variety in my voice. Two: I have my own personal cassette army to kick aft with. And three: The silent guys always have the biggest _BEEP_!

20) If I don't have any ideas, I'll download some.


	2. Starscream

Author's Notes: Hmm, I wasn't expecting to do Starscream so soon -_o. Not lying, my dice happened to roll on the number I've chosen for him at the first go. Weird. Seems my dice is also a Decepticon bias when it comes to picking characters, the double-crossing, little... Which, incidentally, doesn't help me to refuse it's decision, so...eh. I'm not complaining about it's choice in any case; Starscream was one I was looking forward to do anyway :). For the sake of fairness I hope my biased dice will sensibly choose the Autobot category next time. If not I won't care, I'm going to do an Autobot now! Oh, that sounded wrong, so very wrong. Mmm.

Well, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Transformers animated series/show, they belong to toy manufacturer Takara and American company Hasbro. This fanfiction is merely for the sole purpose of entertainment and not for selling/profiting purposes.

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**Starscream**

1) Megatron, I take back all the things that I've ever called you or said about you behind your back. I was so wrong. You are the true leader!

2) Maybe I should show a little more kindness to my comrades.

3) Hey, Skywarp, let's play a prank together!

4) Oh, I don't deserve my title. I'm more fitting to be a commoner.

5) Being a supreme leader is much too pressurising. I'm gonna go into show business!

6) What am I, a rocket scientist? I don't know everything!

7) I look like a strawberry. Mmm, strawberries.

8) The heck did I want to be a warrior? I want to stay in my laboratory; that's way more exciting!

9) Alright, if you animators paint me in the wrong colours _again_ in the next scene, I'm going to slagging 'paint' _you_ all with searing hot laser bullets!

10) I'm stupid, I'm stupid! [1]

11) I can do science me.

12) Hmm, I wonder what Shockwave is doing? He must be lonely.

13) Oh, what a kewt wittoo kittee! Coochy, coochy, COO!

14) My mother made me swallow acid as punishment when I was a sparkling, it's not _my_ fault my voice sounds this way!

15) ... [2]

16) Hmm, sounds like a pretty good plan to me, Megatron. Nope, no complaints here.

17) Would it be okay if I sit this one out? I don't feel like fighting today.

18) I'm walking away from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away, oh to find a better day.

19) Hahahaha! – I do look like a fool, don't I? – Hahahaha!

20) To rule over the Decepticon army or a summer beach house in Spain? ...Beach house, please.

21) Optimus Prime is my hero.

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[1] Okay, so he has said this in _Triple Take-Over_ (in a cowardly submission to Megatron so as to not get pummelled by him on the suspicion of trying to seize his leadership AGAIN) but I thought, really, Starscream won't say this (or agree to it) by himself at all. So I think this can very well be included in the repetoire of things he will never say. Erm, in this one's case, will never say more than once n_n.

[2] I see the problem with this one. He says nothing. Let me explain in my own logic: This is something he would never 'say' because most of the time words are coming out of his mouth. So, in a sense, saying 'nothing' is something he would not 'say'...er, do. I'm not quite sure now. Let's just say that Starscream would not do/say this - there! It's funny that way.


	3. Jazz

Author's Notes: I had fun doing Jazz, sorry it took a while for this one. Christmas holiday plus two assignments due in afterwards equals no time to spend on it and no social life -_-. But here it is, anyway. Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Transformers animated series/show, they belong to toy manufacturer Takara and American company Hasbro. This fanfiction is merely for the sole purpose of entertainment and not for selling/profiting purposes.

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**Jazz**

1) This Earth music is totally trash! Humans have such bad taste.

2) Optimus Prime, my good buddy! You look a little tubby around the abdominals if you haven't noticed. You should cut down on the energon goodies.

3) Now Spike, the only reason that I haven't crushed you under my foot out of sheer annoyance yet is because you provide me the most rad soundtracks. So keep 'em comin'.

4) When it comes to femmes, I just pick the sappiest song they like. They're suckers for love songs, heh. Combine that with my charisma, and they'll do anything for me – and I mean _anything_. You can say I'm a connoisseur of femme bots.

5) Would y'all stop messin' 'round now? Let's get serious, we got a lot of work to do.

6) Wait… what are we fighting for again?

7) I hate Soundwave. Though he does have some wicked tracks in his collection that _I_ don't have… Darn him, I'm so jealous!

8) You know what your problem is, Prowl? You're an afthole. Try an' arrest me for _that_!

9) If it were me instead of Optimus as leader, I'd have given up on this whole fighting business and let Megatron win. _He_ has better high grade anyhow.

10) Why the frag was I made so short-lookin' in the live movie? And why did I have to die by being torn in half!? That is totally whack.

11) I act cool only to hide my feelings of depression. I'm so lonely.

12) Hey Bluestreak, do me a favour: shut the frag up! I can't hear my tunes! I don't wanna hear how much you miss Cybertron, it was turning into a rusting dump anyway! That's why we're here – on Earth. So get over it!

13) Telaria, I was wonderin'. Would you like to be my girlfriend? I mean, we got on pretty well today, cutting out the part where you were shooting arrows at me an' Perceptor, and I was thinkin' 'why not get together'? I know this is a little awkward, me being a giant robot and you a smaller organic, but I think we can make this work. You're real fine and I'm real pretty, so wha' do you say? …Please, I haven't seen anything as close to a femme in cycles! PLEASE, I'm _desparate_! [1]

14) Well, today's my day off. Time to go crazy, get over-energised, party till mornin' and all that jazz… I'm goin' to bed.

15) 'Do it with style or don't bother doin' it'? Who came up with _this_ motto for me? Of course you can do things without style. I'm not saying this line, it's illogical!

16) Alright everyone, hand over your energon chips. I told ya' Prime couldn't win against Megatron one-on-one. Hehe, easiest bet I ever made. [2]

17) Plow, Tail Biter, Wheener, I-am-idiot, Massage, Sunstripper, Aftwipe! Start you engines! Ready, Slime. …Oh slag, take it easy, guys – I was only kiddin'! Can't you all take a little joke? [3]

18) This mission looks way too dangerous. Count me out! I won't put my life on the line for that kind of publicity.

19) Would someone mind takin' over my duties for me? I'm too beat to do slag.

20) Stop copying my style, Blaster! I'm the resident cool 'Bot here!

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[1] For the Season 2 episode 'The God Gambit'.  
[2] For the Season 1 episode 'Heavy Metal War'.  
[3] For the Season 1 episode 'More Than Meets The Eye: Part 1'.


End file.
